..Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lux..

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:37:37 GMT

Looks like I'm overdue to say something..he's distracting enough that I often forget about this thing. After all it's not like I'm used to it.

Amestris was nice. It took awhile for Vash to convince me to get off the ship..but I was sure it was some sort of trap. ~~I'm not ready to drop dead again yet.~~

I'm glad that I did though..it was so unlike that dust ball we called home. I don't know if anyone knows what a privilege it is just to be able to see trees, flowers, and feel blades of grass move through your fingers. Plus it was nice to see Vash so happy..then genuine kind of happy unlike the forced kind he so often tries to fool people with.

It was nice enough to not really want to get back on the ship, but it's been proven many times that all good things must come to an end. I wonder what's in store for us next.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:43:38 GMT

Well..at least I can cook so I won't kill everyone onboard.

..I just hope everyone doesn't eat a lot..

~~Vash. Stop hanging a life preserver in the shower. I'm not going to drown.~~

......

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 03:32:05 GMT

Hey Vash...

...

You make a pretty girl.

Thoughts..

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 12:08:16 GMT

I guess maybe I should update with something now that I'm not trying to type with panther paws..~~typing is hard enough with fingers, geeze..I don't know how Vash does it so fast..~~

We haven't left the room since we first ran into each other..aside from me having to drag his flower pot up to the outside decks. I'm sure most people here don't even know who we are. But it's good. Before..neither one of us exactly lived a live where we could afford the luxury of sitting around and doing nothing.

Even still..

I don't think it's a one sided fear that I carry. The fear of this ride suddenly coming to an end..I'll go back to wherever it is I'll go and he'll go back to the steamer.

I just know that I don't want to leave him..

I already did that once..and I don't want to have to hurt him again..

I try not to think such depressing thoughts.

--

But yet..

Through all the strange things we've been through, and even though this ship and all the situations surrounding it make no sense..and even if there could be a depressing end..I'm really happy this happened. I'm happy for last chance to say and do what I didn't before..

I guess it's what they call bittersweet, as cruel as it is.

. . . .

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 13:45:27 GMT

This is different..

So much for purpose

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 20:44:51 GMT

A thought just occurred to me...

I hope the children are alright..

I have no idea what's happened to them since my "death"

This only further depresses me.

Hm..

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 11:22:13 GMT

I don't recommend you trying to fling yourself into a wall to see if you'll pass through it. ..It hurts! I have a bump on my head and a bruise on my ass! I guess that means I'm not some sort of ghost. It took me two days to finally realize that all I had to do all along was check to see if I had a heartbeat and pulse. Which I do. So I am alive. I don't know how, or why. But I'm thinking time will give me those answers.

So I celebrated this second chance (no matter how temporary it may be) with some hooch and a pack of smokes..though I saved one for the redhead, in the black cloak, on the seventh deck, for whenever I get around to wandering.

Wandering. I guess it’s something I should get around to. I have no idea how long we'll be on this god-forsaken ship I don't want to spend it locked up and drinking myself into oblivion. There has to be more to the people on this ship than that weird cabin boy. At least I hope there is. . .

I haven't decided if this is a blessing or a curse, but I'm leaning more towards it being a curse. I'm not so simple as to think this isn't just a temporary deal. I have an overwhelming feeling that once this ship is gone then so am I. I'm trying not to cling to the false hope of being able to keep my life once we reach our destination..of course, I don't know why I would be around if I didn't, but I get the feeling things aren't that simplistic.

Still..I kinda wish that they were here. Even if it is selfishness talking. It wouldn't be fair to uproot them because I want to see them again. It also wouldn't be fair to drag them this far only to be uncertain of how long I'm going to survive this. I wouldn't want to put them through my death all over again.

But yet..

I still miss them. Painfully so.

What the hell..

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 01:13:39 GMT

I've entered a new world of trouble and confusion and I didn't even have him to usher me into this time. I remember the ship; I remember walking towards the ship…I just haven't the faintest idea why. Where did I think I was going? Did I think it was ticket back? Perhaps. After all it's highly unlikely that ships frequent where I have been.

I woke up in this room. I can only assume that it's mine. Something within myself feels strangely familiar. Dare I ask if I'm I alive again? How could that be possible--.. it can't be possible, people don't come back from the dead.

But yet..

The fact that I'm typing this alone is proof. Or..that air fills my lungs. Not to mention I'm hungry..and even a little sea (air?--..motion) sick. The dead don't need those things. I just haven't been able to wrap my mind around it yet…

I have to wonder if this isn't some warped layer of hell that I've stepped into. I can't help but to feel like a marionette. Maybe I'm supposed to convince myself I'm among the living and then I'll be thrown back to the dead as some sort of continual punishment. However, I'm not sure I want this way of living…This isn't like in my Eden. I can't watch over them. I can't see him. Was I only allowed peeks into my former world as some sort of tease…and then have it ripped away aboard this damn ship.. How am I going to know they're all right if I can't see them...! How am I going to help that damned fool..?

The thought of it depresses me...

I haven't been out of my room yet. I don't know if there are others on this ship. And if there is I wonder if they too were lost souls drifting around. Maybe someone will have some information as to what we are..and where we're going. I'm at a complete loss..

I do know one thing though. I need a cigarette. And I don't think a drink would hurt either…

test

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:18:03 GMT

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